久しぶり！

久しぶりで日本語でブログを書いてなかった！

みんな元気ですか？

いつも幸せにいますか？

こちらはちょっと忙しいなので、ブログの事を忘れちゃった。

本当にごめんなさい。

あっ、でもアメーバのブログを忘れていないよ。

たまにあそこでブログを更新します。

ちなみに、最近！日本語のクラスを受ける事が出来ました！

日本語をもっともっと、

上手になりたいから。＞＜

クラスが始まった時から今までもう三ヶ月ぐらい。

でもクラスメイトたちはすごく頭が良くて、プレッシャになりました。

自分とみんなに負けないように、頑張ります！

みなさんも頑張りたいことがあるのかな。。？

今年は色々なことを挑戦しました。

パーフェクトである必要はないけど、私は出来るだけ頑張りたいです。

それでは、ここまで書いてね

また次回！バイバイ

Being Strong

Has anyone ever felt tired of pretending to be strong? Pretending that everything's alright and trying your best to carve a smile on your face? Pretending must be the most mentally draining thing that can ever occur to a human being. Well, maybe animals too.

 

Recently, I have succumbed to crying. Crying somehow makes me feel better. I once lied to myself. I once told myself that it's okay, people come and people go. However, now, the realization that, maybe, the problem lies in me, dawned upon me not very long ago. I tried to sort the problem out by myself but to no avail. I do not understand the reason behind it. Have I not put in effort? Do I have no heart? Do I really deserve this? People always say, if you work hard enough to strive for something, at the end of the run, you will achieve it. I have been trying for the past 15 years of my life, ever since I entered kindergarten. Is that not long enough? How long more do I need to try?

 

 

I'm afraid. No, actually I'm beyond afraid that the people whom I care for would eventually leave me, one by one. I loathe myself. I don't know what to do with myself. Is it my attitude? Is it my physical appearance? I don't know.

 

I admit it. I admit that I am seeking attention. That's only because I've never been the centre of attention before. I wonder how it feels like to be the limelight. What I can do now is hope. Hope that, one day, I can finally free myself from this evil curse that has been haunting me for my whole life. Hope that, eventually, I can fit.

 

 

Like one of them.

 

 

Looking Back

 

Maaaaaaaan I still can't believe that I used to look like that. Someone said I looked like a Baba Nyonya descendent. -.- It's no wonder that people always say 女大十八变. Not to say I'm very pretty now but a lot better than my childhood looks! Hahaha.

 

Since I've not blogged for quite some time, today I took half an hour to browse through my old blog posts and I was amazed by how childish I was. Lol. No matter what, I'm going to keep them here and read them again when I grow older. This current post might also be a joke for me after a few years. :P

Hello!

ALSCO Farewell Dinner 2013

 

Just to let you guys know that I'm still alive! :D I'm so sorry, blog. For abandoning you for the time being. There are just too many things in life to handle at this moment so please bear with me. I'll give you all the attention you need after A Levels. :)

Confessions of A Bursary Student

Many may think that being a scholar is actually something to be proud of. And yes, I can't deny that it gives you a teeny bit of victorious feeling when you get to know that hey! I'm a scholar! I'm not sure if bursary students can be considered as scholars but our lecturers regard us as scholars so scholar it is!

I previously took A-Levels at Sunway College as a March intake student but when the bursary offer came along somewhere in between my course, I've made a big decision - to defer to July intake. I'm not quite sure what the main factor of me deferring was, but it was due to a few reasons. I found it not very easy (not exactly very hard, but not easy) to cope in the March intake classes because the teachers can finish one chapter in merely two days! (For now, my lecturers teach at a more human-like pace. *peace!*) Secondly, I wanna make more friends! Somehow I just couldn't click with my March intake classmates for reasons that I don't even know of. Maybe we're just on different wavelengths. I was pretty down in class because I could only talk to Xin Er and Harue. These two factors attracted me into deferring to July intake and so I went to the information centre and got my necessary forms filled up!

CLARIFICATION : Please do not misunderstand. Bursary students and normal students do mix with one another, it just depends on whether you want to or not. And the normal students do get the same lecturers as we do too! The college is not biased. Many people have asked me the same thing, so I thought I should insert it here. Thank you.

I have to thank KPM for offering me the bursary scheme because without it, I wouldn't even be able to experience this new learning environment. When I say new, I really mean totally new and strange. The differences between the March intake and July intake classes were so vast that I had a great shock of my life. I have never felt so pressurised before, not even a day before I sat for my first SPM paper. I don't know how this new experience is for the other bursary students, regardless of whether they're from my college or the other respective colleges, but for me, it was fuuuh! Mind-blowing! How can I put it. Let me give you an example. It's very competitive among my classmates or rather, among the whole of A-Levels, mainly among the bursary students. Not all of the students who were qualified for the bursary offer deferred to July intake though, some of them remained in either January or March intake. And they're super clever as well! T_T Anyway, ya, it's super competitive. Everyone's score is very close to one another's. In fact, the average mark of our class's first Math test was 27/30! Is that crazy or what? One of my classmates exclaimed after our second Math test, "If I don't get 28/30 imma kill myself!" *strangles him* D:

Classmates! + Mr. Randall behind. :P This was taken in the Physics Lab btw.

Everyone speak in intelligent languages, well, for my case, not really. :/ You can know that they're somewhat clever from the way they speak! I'm a relatively shy person, so I thought, I can't let myself be like this anymore. I have to start socialising! And again, thanks to KPM because I got to socialise more! The main reason is because we got to stay in Sunway Monash Residence (which is a very wonderful place with great facilities!) throughout our A-Levels course in Sunway College. Imagine all the bursary students staying in the same building, there has got to be some mingling around hasn't it! ;)

 Besides, I took the effort to try to enter ALSCO, which stands for A-Levels Student Council. I have always admired the Alsco members for their socialising skills ever since I was in the March intake! But I knew then that if I were to be a member of the student council, I would have to sacrifice my time and stay back for meetings. Too bad I stayed far away from the college so it would be troublesome (and dangerous!) for my mum to fetch me from college late at night. So I decided to pass! However, since I have a room in SMR now, I don't have to trouble my parents anymore! I didn't hesitate to fill up the application form and lucky enough, I was selected for the interview and am now a member! Before the interview, all of the applicants had to organise an A-Levels event and from there, the seniors and coordinator will evaluate us. My group organised a game event, called Last One Standing. For me, it was considered successful as we had only 2 days to prepare for it although we made very little profit. (Another reason was because our costs were too high!) Anyway it was a fun and memorable experience!

My ALSCO probational group! :)

The interview was pretty scary though, because the seniors had these masks on that resembled tigers. Okay, I'm exaggerating it. Haha. They were really strict during the interview but when they came out of the interview room, their smiles were back on their faces! They're actually very friendly. :) Oh we call them seniors but actually they're the same age as us. Haha because they had 6 months of experience in Alsco already that's why. :P I gained many good buddies through Alsco! I've not only made friends with bursary students from other classes but also non-bursary students who are super friendly and nice! Although it's only my first week being an official ALSCO member, the probational period taught me many things. I'm very grateful for that. Thank you! Oh gawd, I can go on babbling about this. :P

*edited : I've now retired from ALSCO and I must say that I've not regretted even a bit! How I wish I don't all the AS and A2 exams so that I can join ALSCO again...Oh ya btw, joining ALSCO is only for one semester (which is about 6 months) and you'll retire after that to let the juniors replace you because they want you to focus on your studies.

A big HI from ALSCO July '12 team! :D All of us were wearing our specially designed varsity jackets!

Photo credits to Juliana!

Ohhh the fun times....

Back to the stressful part, not only my classmates are competitive, another thing that accumulated my stress is the assignment! Sunway College put very high hopes on us and thus, we were drilled with lots and lots of assignments! Actually I think we're being trained to be robots. Or rather super machines. :/ Haha. But still I don't feel any smarter lah! XD And also because of all these, I have emotional breakdowns more often than before and I hate myself for this! :( I know I've hurt many people around me, especially the ones I love. I throw tantrums, I show black face and I remain silent whenever I'm with them. I'm so sorry. :( I think I still need some time to cope with this stress. T_T

I shall end this blog post soon. But before that, I want to thank KPM again! Let's hope I'll have a brighter future after this and become smarter. I don't want to be called stupid again. T_T T_T And thanks to all my lovelies who will always be by my side during my tough journey with A-Levels! :D Love you guys! <3 br="" nbsp="">

A Quick Update!

Phew! I almost surrendered to my old laptop. Was full of blogging spirit before I turned on my laptop but apparently it took me almost half an hour just to start it and enter my blog. Spirit all gone wth. Haha.

Anyway. The spirit is back again after typing the first sentence. Lols. I've not blogged for almost two months! Even I myself couldn't believe that. I can actually see an obvious drop in my English level after not going for English lessons for so many months.

As you may know, I've started college, like many of my friends out there! I'm the March 2012 intake though. :P Spent around 1 to 2 months slacking at home like a sloth and another 2 more months working at Nippon Paint! And finally, my student life was revived on the 26th of March! The first two days of college were the orientation days though. It was pretty boring to be frank. Especially the first day of orientation. On the second day, everything started to get more spiced up where we had an ice-breaking session (played Draw Something. No, not using our smartphones. Haha! Representatives of each group were called out to draw on the white board!). I couldn't imagine college life without Xin Er. I would look like a lonely abandoned girl. Thank you buddy! And of course, Wei Khit too! For accompanying me during lunch break and to my classes on the first day when the classes commenced! Or else I would be lost in college. -.- College's a maze to me. But everything's fine now! I'm improving rather well considering that I'm an idiot when it comes to directions. Oops!

College life isn't as hectic and as stressful as I had imagined though, especially when I'm one of the March intake students. Okay, maybe not YET. I shall enjoy my rather carefree life now first before everything changes completely. :( Right now I can still slack around during the weekends as long as I've completed my assignments and done enough reading (only when I'm told to :P). I hesitated a lot before starting my course or should I say, before handing in my subjects form and choosing my timetable whether or not to take up Physics. I'm glad I chose to go with it as it's the only subject I really enjoy in college. Mr. Randall, our lecturer is a man full of humor. Lols. Without him as my lecturer I would have chosen to drop Physics! Although he always scares us by welcoming us to a journey to hell with him, I hope everything would be fine as time passes by! I will do my best no matter what! ^^

Oh! How is it possible for me to forget about this. On the 21st of March, it was the most nerve-wracking day for all 1994 babies. Well, maybe not for ALL but it was definitely one for me! SPM RESULTS DAY! It took me so much of effort just to swallow my food mainly because the butterflies in my stomach refused to accept it. I only ate like.. one quarter of my Bah Kut Teh. I kept on refreshing my Twitter to see if there were updates from my friends about their results and there! I saw Jye Yih's tweet congratulating me for getting 10A+! That did not relieve me but instead, made me even more nervous! I literally abandoned my food and didn't even bother to try to swallow it. My mum, who was almost as nervous as me, or should I say, more anxious than me hurried my dad to eat faster so that we could go to school immediately! Haha. Come to think of it, it was kind of a funny moment. :P When I reached school and really got hold of my result slip, the adrenaline rush in my body slowly died away. WHAT A RELIEF! My effort paid off and I'm really very very grateful to everyone who stood by me during the crucial year especially my parents! :')

However, frankly speaking, getting 10A+ is nothing at all when it comes to college (excluding the full tuition fee waiver). I have learnt that no one really cares about your results because once you step into college, everyone is equal. You start from zero. Everything goes back to square one. College life is a totally new phase of life and a new challenge for us to overcome. You meet new faces, you're in a new environment and you encounter new teaching styles which you have to get used to in a short span of time. College is not like secondary school where we can choose which day to skip, talk all you want and laugh your hearts out at the back of the class. Every single detail in class is so important that you cannot even afford to miss it especially in lessons that require full attention like Biology. We still do laugh our hearts out in class too mainly during Math class. Another thing that makes college so different from secondary school is the super conducive environment! Every classroom is air-conditioned, even the labs. Unlike secondary school where we had to brave the scorching sun and go back home being all sweaty. Speaking of labs, our Chemistry and Physics labs are super gorgeous! Everything is soooo new because the labs are just renovated. :D Makes me more semangat to study. Hahahaaha.

So I guess that's all about college! ^^ Just to add on, although I've made a few new friends, I still miss my ex-classmates freaking much! I miss all the jokes we have cracked and how high our craziness level could be, I love all of you!! <3

Love life for me could not be any better. We're going through the 10th month now and I'm very lucky to have him as my man. <3